So one of my high school friends sent me yet another of these stupid internet chain letters. I suppose replying and cc'ing everybody was completely futile, and it's not like there's anything new here, but anyway here it is.
If you need to see the original message, the least offensive link to it I could find is here
(scroll down to "American Disasters").
- a bunch of people
From a Navy man... (Retired Navy Captain)
I'm wondering if this was some sort of mandatory retirement situation.
After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, which killed six
and injured 1,000; President Clinton promised that those
responsible would be hunted down and punished.
After the 1995 bombing in Saudi Arabia, ...
Clinton promised ... hunted down and punished.
After the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing in Saudi Arabia,
Clinton promised ... hunted down and punished.
... la la la
Maybe if Clinton had kept his promise, an estimated 3,000
people in New York and Washington, D.C. that are now dead
would be alive today.
Yeah, it's such a good thing that W took over so that those responsible could be hunted down and punished for real.
I mean he just roared right into action the moment he took office, giving the Taliban $43,000,000 so that they could continue fighting the War on Drugs, chopping off hands, and throwing acid in the faces of their women, and, this was while Osama was right there,...
... well, hm, wait that can't be right...
Actually, I'm drawing a bit of a blank trying to remember just what else W *was* doing about Osama bin Laden during those first nine months in office.
Ah well, that's okay, transitions are messy and take time.
(...Of course, Janet Reno had only been in office for 3 months when the whole Waco thing went down and she took full responsibility for it, but that's different of course, because those Democrats were all evil scumbags...)
And anyway once 9/11 hit, Bush roared right into action ...
except I seem to recall it took him several days to actually show his face in NYC. But I guess that's understandable --- we were all kind of discombobulated back then.
Although, Giuliani didn't seem to have any problem with this. But I guess not everyone can have the rare moral courage that it takes to stand on a pile of smoking rubble and declare Evil for what it is.
And anyway, Bush has had plenty of other opportunities to display his courage.
Like that time he bravely had his dad call up a few friends to bump him ahead of a several hundred other people on the waiting list so that he could bravely serve on the front lines defending the state of Texas against Ho Chi Minh (hey you never know... the NVPA *could* have taken over New Mexico, and then where would we be?).
...and also to bravely skip out on the last two years of his 5-year term of service. Well, it was just some stupid misunderstanding about having to, you know, actually show up for duty
. No big deal, there.
And if you think about it, this probably saved lives. I mean if you have a BAC of .15, it might be better to be piloting cars around Kennebunkport than piloting planes over Texas. I have to commend him for having the courage to do the right thing.
And anyway, it's nothing at all like that evil draft-dodger scumbag Clinton who played his valid student deferment for all it was worth.
Or that evil draft-dodger scumbag Al Gore who had the gall to show up at a recruitment office in Newark, NJ (somewhat removed from his home state of Tennessee where people actually knew him), enlist in the Army and, like, actually go to Vietnam, and....
Sorry, that evil Liberal Media (who somehow never actually gave any airtime to Bush's National Guard "career") must be getting me off track.
And it's all water over the dam. W has been drug-free since 1974, after all. He said so himself.
(N.B. Alcohol is not actually a drug, just in case you were wondering).
So where were we? Oh right, I remember now. Hunting down and punishing Osama bin Laden, his followers, and any country that dares to give them aid and comfort.
So let's see, that would be Afghanistan, check.
Bush and Ashcroft roared right into action, curtailing civil liberties, rounding up towelheads, creating the Office of Fatherland Security, working to override California's clean air/water regulations (yay states' rights!), opening up ANWAR for drilling, mounting a legal challenge to Oregon's assisted suicide law (yay states' rights!),
... whoops I'm getting off track again,
... but, it seems, so are they; funny how that works.
Next up, I guess, is going to be Pakistan, since they were the primary supporters of the Taliban and their schools trained lots of Osama's followers.
Or maybe we should do Saudi Arabia next since they've been funding the whole mess.
Of course, I also recall something about this being a war on all terrorism everywhere
, so we should also bomb Boston for sending money to the IRA.
The real fun is going to start when the War on Terror finally gets around to the underground network of abortion clinic bombers. This should devastate large sections of the South. I'm really looking forward to that, actually.
So I guess it makes perfect sense that we're now gearing up to go to war with,...
I mean, who cares if he's a secular
dictator who's been rather thoroughly stomping fundamentalists for the last 20 years or so?
Who cares if the Islamic fundamentalist nutjobs thus hate him even worse
than they ever hated the Americans?
Who cares if Saddam Hussein thus might as well be shooting himself in the head
if he so much as gives them a single penny? (Hey, just announce your upcoming vacation plans to the Kurds, that'll do the trick).
The evidence of a connection between Hussein and bin Laden is still
Whatever it was was certainly enough to convince the French, the
Germans, the Russians, the Chinese,
... oh wait, no it wasn't.
I mean, there *is* evidence isn't there?
Maybe somebody could just PhotoShop something together.
I'll take anything at this point.
I forgot about those pesky Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Like the ones Our Good Friend Pakistan has.
(...anybody notice how we, like, almost had a little nuclear war there?
It's lots of fun having nukes when you don't even have satellites and
so you can't see what the other guy is doing...)
Like the ones Our Even Better Friend North Korea has.
(.. Remember North Korea? Run by a complete whackjob dictator who makes Saddam look like Churchill. Who likes to launch test missles at Tokyo every so often, just for grins? The country that's repudiated every nuclear agreement they've ever made? And unlike 50 years ago, if we wanted to invade them, the Chinese would probably be on our side
So, it's obvious, we have to invade Iraq. Hunt down and punish, I say.
And if it so happens that we can take over the supplies of the world's
second largest oil producer and maybe get some pipelines built across
central Asia while we're at it and make Haliburton + friends gobs and
gobs and gobs and gobs of money, so much the better.
And if it so happens that our administration seems to be almost
entirely composed of once-and-future oil company execs and friends
thereof, that would be a complete coincidence
Because it's not about oil
. Got that?
AN INTERESTING QUESTION:
This question was raised on a Philly radio call-in show.
Without casting stones, it is a legitimate question.
There are two men, both extremely wealthy.
One develops relatively cheap software and gives billions
of dollars to charity. The other sponsors terrorism.
That being the case, why was it that the Clinton Administration
spent more money chasing down Bill Gates over the past eight
years than Osama bin Laden?
Yup, that Microsoft thing was all
the Clinton Administration's fault.
Never mind that Senator from Novell (sorry, misspelled 'Utah' there), Chairman of the Judiciary Committee, a liberal Democrat by the name of
(you might have heard of him), who was foaming at the mouth about Microsoft for months beforehand, threatening all sorts of Congressional inquiries and nastiness if the DoJ didn't take action.
Never mind the judge in the case, a certain Thomas Penfield Jackson, appointed in 1982 by Ronald Reagan
and confirmed by a Republican
Senate (the same folks who couldn't rubberstamp Antonin Scalia's Supreme Court appointment fast enough),
... obviously one of these Liberal Activist Judges we're constantly hearing about...
a judge who seemed to have no problem whatsoever with the DoJ bringing its case (or doing everything he could to help them along).
"Never mind that man behind the curtain..."
It was also fun to watch how congresscritters started flipflopping around like freshly caught trout once Microsoft (finally) started gearing up the campaign contributions.
It is a strange turn of events.
Hillary gets $8 Million for her forthcoming memoir.
Bill gets about $12 Million for his memoir yet to be written.
Strange, indeed. I mean, who could possibly imagine scraping together some 500,000 people to shell out $25 each for Bill Clinton's memoirs. Those publishing companies must be feeling so
ripped off right now.
Meanwhile, in other news, I'm perfectly happy that Ken Starr was able to spend $40 million of (our) taxpayer dollars to come up with (drumroll)
A blow job
No, really. (... wait there was something else
to show for six years of investigations, right? wasn't there? anything at all? Please?
I'm sure the taxpayers of Arlington Texas were equally happy about getting hit up for $200 million to build the Texas Rangers a shiny new stadium. And the Rangers' owners get to keep nearly all of the revenue stream, too. Sweet!
And the really cool thing about this was that, as a result, a certain George W. Bush, who was able to invest $600,000 to buy an 11% stake in a $68 million team, reaped a windfall when, a few years later once the stadium was completed, the team was sold for something like triple its original value. He walked away with $16 million.
(Puzzler: There's a zero missing in the previous paragraph. See if you can find it!)
I mean that's four hundred times
what those bastard scumbag Clintons lost
on the Whitewater deal (-$40,000 vs. $16,000,000; Hey, what's a minus sign and a few commas between friends?),
guy is, like, still president
... wait, I know there was a point here, somewhere ...
Or maybe I should talk about Cheney.
Unfortunately, that would require even more zeros.
This from two people who have spent the past 8 years being unable to recall anything about past events while under oath!
Speaking of oaths, anybody remember Admiral John Poindexter,
the guy who lied under oath back in 1986,
not about blowjobs,
but about committing and financing real live acts of war
--- you know, mining harbors, funding terrorists (sorry, I meant "freedom fighters") to blow up schools and hospitals, all that good stuff?
It seems that among other things, he's still
an Admiral, which is kinda funny when you look at all of the effort that went into getting trying to get Clinton disbarred, etc... This
asshole still has a career
and not only that but,
he's going to be in charge of the Pentagon's new Information Awareness
Office, the folks in charge of the new big badass database that's
going to keep track of everything YOU do (all in the name of fighting
terrorism). It's been sort of his pet project over the years.
We can trust him, right?
We don't want this woman to even THINK of running for President.
See, here's the thing:
- We have a hard-right Republican President
(yeah I know, he looks and sounds like a moderate, but all you have to do is look closely at what he actually *does* and the people he appoints; this guy is far more conservative than Reagan or Gingrich ever dreamed of being)
- Republican Senate
- Republican House
- Hard-right conservative Supreme Court
So no way, no how do you get to blame Democrats for anything
at this point.
And oddly enough, we're now running the biggest deficits
in history. $400 billion dollars in two years, a lot of it due to that stupid irresponsible tax cut that's mostly going to GWB's friends and contributors. (yeah i know you got a $300 check last year; big thrill; hope you didn't spend it all in one place).
We used to have a surplus, remember?
Now sure, all of this war stuff is expensive --- though it sure would be nice if we weren't working quite
so hard at pissing off the entire rest of the world --- but guess what? If we don't pay for it now, we're going to be paying for it even worse later. It's the same damn mistake that Lyndon Johnson made; we spent the whole 1970s paying for that one with double-digit inflation. We're going down that road once again; M3 is already skyrocketing off the map. Except this time around the debt service is going to be a much, much bigger bite. (anyone for having 50% of the federal budget devoted to interest
Think about this:
The Democrats have somehow become the party of fiscal responsibility.
I don't know about you, but that's making my head bleed.
And this butthead is worried about Hillary Clinton?
Take off the blinders, people!
... and yeah, you can forward this wherever you want.